Kenneth Madden

Monthly Archives: August 2011

So now I’m arsed again. Really, it’s quite amazing how we’re always only ever striving to get to where we already are. How could someone show you a way to arrive to where you already are? There are no Teachers, there are no Masters, there is no authority, you are already whole and complete, already what you seek. This is it.

I was going to write something about boundaries, subject- object, the relativity of time and the paradox of seeking your own absence, but I can’t be arsed.

Shadow Play

He told me his shadow detached one day.
He hadn’t noticed really, only some vague
feeling that alluded him- that is until it
jumped up and shouted-
‘Right you brilliant bastard,
a jokes a joke, what else could it be,
but this?’

Daisy Days

Peruvian Panpipes

They always make me think of you
and that potter you never got to do.

Being a separate ‘Me’ is a juggling act and everyone has there own unique show. It seems that it has been forgotten that it is an act, it is a play. A play of light. It is as if the individual is trying to juggle their way out of the act. If I juggle better, longer, with more flare and complexity then I’ll find what it is I seem to be looking for, I’ll get to where I want to be. That’s fine, but keeping all the pins in the air was only ever in the game of juggling and the whole game was only an act to begin with.

Being a separate ‘me’ is a loop, an energetic loop that feeds into itself. Nothing that this ‘me’ does can have any other function then to maintain the energy of being ‘me’. All the while there is a game of being a separate ‘me’ there is a feeling that there is something missing, something lost. Of course  it appears like this as once, I’m a separate me, then there is no longer, just everything, wholeness- there is me and everything else (Subject- Object).  So there is a seeking, a searching for everything, for wholeness and the energy of feeling separate will try to juggle that pin also, it will become something for ‘me’ to do. I’ve juggled all my life, so of course I can juggle my way to wholeness, but that can only ever amount to trying to juggle your way out of juggling.

Nothing in the game will bring you out of the game.  Understanding and knowing are features of individuality, it’s the ‘me’ that knows, that understands a world it’s separate to.  Amazingly, what you are looking for has absolutely NOTHING to do with ‘YOU’.  Nothing to do with understanding or knowing.   You don’t need to change or become better (or worse) in anyway.  What you are seeking is simply, already, this.  Aliveness, just being.  ‘You’ are only a game that arises in it.  What you are is boundless and whole, everything and nothing, This. Absolutely fucking stunning.  Always new.

Life is, in actuality, unknowable. In the really felt and experienced sense of being separate to the world there is the negotiation through life by knowing and understanding. Knowing the world and knowing yourself are the same and only function to maintain an apparent boundary called ‘Me’. It can be seen, suddenly, that life is too immediate to be known and that there never was anyone separate to it to know it.

If it is sensed that there is only this, that there is no ‘me’ (no separate individual), the mind can fight against that and scramble desperately to confirm that there is, to maintain the energy of being separate. It can rubbish any suggestion that this is it, by reinforcing the story of me.

If there isn’t a running away from a non dual message, there can just as easily be an effort to know it as this will also maintain the sense of he who knows. So, I will want to know that this is it. I will want to know that there is no me. I want to confirm from some outside authority that this message is not bullshit and I will want desperately for people to be communicating the same message and for there to be numerous people communicating this message (a non dual message, that there is no you).

This is also a feature of the story of me. There is no one communicating this message, there is no authority, there is no one who knows. You are totally and utterly alone with this message, you are totally and utterly alone, as there is not two. To really hear a truly uncompromising message about non duality is to see that the vast majority of communications that come under it are simply not non dual as there is a communication from an apparent individual to another apparent individual. It is usually not a hopeless message or can frequently stress understanding.

This is the confirmation that this is it, this, breathing, sounds, aliveness pouring through the senses. It needs no verification. This is the key to an apparent lock that keeps you imprisoned. It doesn’t unlock the prison, it is the sudden seeing that the prison, called ‘me’, was only apparently real to begin with. Any confirmation from someone else, teacher or authority, that this is it, is simply an effort to stay inside the wheel of individuality.

A lovely Building, a lovely girl.

What if what you sought was in fact no ‘thing’, what if it was nothing at all? Obviously you’d never find it, as it isn’t an ‘it’, it isn’t anything. What if the very feeling of being a separate somebody, a separate self, an individual (something) that is moving in and negotiating a world that’s outside, what if that really experienced contracted sense of being ‘me’ was what also gave rise to other ‘mes’?

In other words what if the experience of there being other people and other separate things in the world only emanated from one apparent root separation; me v the world.

Well then from the perspective of feeling like a somebody, only something would be seen, only separate objects and things and nothing, no thing would not be seen, it would be ignored as to see it is the collapse of the energy of ‘me’, to see nothing is the death of ‘me’ and nothing is seen by no one. The expansion of the apparently contracted energetic center of me is the end of something that never really was. It is a homecoming, a seeing that you are all that is, and all that is, everything, is nothing. Death is life and life is death. In other words, this, right now, is it. It’s never been anything else.

We search continually of what has never left us. No concept, belief, knowledge or experience will ever fulfill us when in fact what we are really looking for is the loss of being a separate somebody. We seek our own absence. Amazing.